The Sickness Unto Death :: The forms with regard to consciousness (Part 6)

Consciousness enjoys a dialectical relationship with despair; for as consciousness of despair increases so does the intensity of despair. Consequently despair at its maximum is absolute defiance and at its minimum is a kind of innocence.

1. Despair that is ignorant of having an eternal self

Such ignorence is the kind of self deception the individual is resistant to leave behind. It is the hallmark of one taken by worldy pleasures; the individual does not have the courage to risk being spirit. For such an individual being in error is the least concern. The individual may build a palace with his words but he is content to live in the garden shed out back. To inhabit his ideas is a task he cannot fathom. To point out this contradiction in him is to invite reproach. For in ignorence the individual is safe from his own undoing: awareness. It is only when one passes into the religious that the individual becomes conscious of this contradiction. For such an individual takes himself to be an unaccountable something, and beneath it all lies despair, readily exposed when life begins to shake him.

2. Despair that is conscious of having an eternal self but in despair wants, or does not want, to be itself

Whilst on some level I may be conscious that I am in despair, this does not mean that I am in despair. Do I have clarity of what the self is, and what it is to be in despair? Because whilst consciousness determines intensity there can be great variation in how conscious I am that I am in despair. Like any sickness I may detect symptoms but do I understand it? I may only have a dim grasp on what despair is; intentionally because I do not wish to face this actuality, or in ignorence because I do not understand it.

(A) In despair not wanting to be oneself; The despair in weakness.

I. Despair over the earthly

In such despair there is no conciousness of the self as eternal. It is living into the fragile realities of good and bad fortune. To fail to recognise the cause of this despair and to attribute it to something temporal rather than the loss of the eternal. If help comes it is business as usual and if no help comes, he learns to deceive himself and imitate others. A despairer of this kind doesn't recognise himself. He is instead deluded that change in circumstance is all that is required. He believes that such change comes naturally over time like teeth, a beard and that sort of thing. Such a transformation never leads to the kind of struggle that intensifies despair or else leads to faith.

II. Despair of the eternal or over oneself; the despair over ones weakness

All despair is over the eternal. For even if it seems to be over something earthly; that the individual values the earthly so greatly is precisely to despair of the eternal. The individual takes it a step further, in that he is conscious of this weaknesses, but instead of turning to faith in God he indulges in this despair. He despairs of himself as a father disinherits a son, the self will not acknowledge itself after it has been so weak. Yet this did not rid him of the son, least of all in his thoughts.

(B) The despair of wanting in despair to be oneself – defiance

To want to be oneself there has to be a greater consciousness of despair and the self than before. However, this infinite self is really only the most abstract form of the self, the most abstract possibility of the self. It is not the self. The image it perceives is detached from the power that established it, like viewing oneself through a fairground mirror. The active form wishes to reforge the image of its self as it sees fit, and in accordance with a more palitable image. That the self might becomes its own master. Yet this absolute ruler is a king without a country, he rules over nothing; not his position, his kingdom, or his self. And the passive form? He would rather be himself with all the torments of hell than ask for help. To avoid becoming a pliant nothing in the hands of his saviour. It is especially important to ensure that he has his agony on hand, so that no one can take it from him – for then he would not be able to convince others and himself that he is right. To be himself in his agony, so as to protest with this agony against all existence against the second rate authorship of God.